Finally Whole?

My couch has arrived. It's here and it only took 77 days from when I paid for and order it?! Finally, after much anticipation, many nights of longing, and even a nice old fashioned stare down and chew out of my 'sales consultant' my couch arrived on Saturday morning!

The apartment now feels like it's getting closer to being whole. The only thing that's left is get a few more pictures hung up and then it'll be fully done.

More later.........

Love, peace, and soul.

Spring is here!

Spring has officially arrived and I spent the day doing a couple of my favorite outdoor activities to ring in the new season.........smoking shisha and smoking meat on the grill! There's nothing like enjoying the cool days of early spring sitting outside in jeans, flip-flops, and a jacket with the sun on your face and toes while smoking some flavored tobacco. Add a cool beer and some good conversation with a good friend and you have an awesome way to spend the afternoon. Top all of that with some salmon on the grill with some big red bell peppers and it just doesn't get much better than that........unless, of course, if my Nets could pull out a victory against The Lebrons!

But hey, you can't have everything you want in this world........but I already know that......

More later..........

Love can lead to great things.....

such as the Taj Mahal or a beautiful painting or a lovely poem or a heart warming song. There are so many good things that can come out of the powerful emotion that is.........love. What I still struggle with is this; if someone has love in their heart, how can they also be capable of such horrendous acts? How can they be so hurtful to someone that they love?

I loved her.........more than anyone I had ever loved........I knew it too. I loved the little things too; the flash in the eyes, the grumpy look in the early morning hour, the smell of her hair and all of the tiny quirks and imperfections that made her amazing to me. I loved all those things and more and yet, I was so hurtful to her. I made a horrendous mistake and in the process I hurt someone who I loved tremendously.

How could I have done that?

Fast Fwd?

Have you ever wanted to press fast forward on your life? I just can't wait to get to Charleston this year! I know, it's March and I'm already thinking about the end of May, but it's true.......I just can't wait to get there. I can't wait for the warmth of the sand between my toes, I can't wait for a cold beer on a hot afternoon, I can't wait for the tan, I can't wait to just get to a point where I'm laughing at everything Huskey has to say because well, sometimes he just has funny things to say.........but most importantly, I just can't wait to see my friends again and share some good times and good memories.

Charleston........man, how I love that city and the good times that I have there every year!

More later.....

Destiny or Not?

Sometimes I really do believe in some sort of predetermined destiny or fate. Still, other times I believe that life is what you make of it and is the result of the decisions you make. Is it one or the other? Or a combination of both? If it's a combination, how much of my predetermined path do I really have control over? If it's all just predetermined, then do my decisions even matter?

I've struggled with these question for a long, long time and I think most people, if they are self aware, have asked themselves these same questions. Heck, Tom Hanks won an Oscar asking himself these questions!

Still, sometimes you find yourself in a situation and think......."this is it, this is how it's supposed to be, this is how it's going to happen." But then life has a funny way of changing around on you.....and you're left with more questions.

Always more questions.......

I'm beginning to think that Don Henley was a lyrical genius......

"The more I know, the less I understand.
All the things I thought I knew, I'd have to learn again...."

Change?

Most people make grand resolutions and declarations as to things they are going to change when the new year begins. Promises to lose 20 pounds or renew old friendships or get out of credit card debt......or whatever, are made to the people around them........ And what ends up happening?

Very seldom do they follow through and usually by March most people can't even remember what they resolved to do in January. Change has to come from within for it to truly happen. You can't just talk about it and you can't just think about it......you've got to go out and do it. So that's why, this New Year, there was no great and glorious declaration, it was just simple........keep doing what I'm doing because change........has to come from within for it to truly happen.

Happy New Year!

More thoughts.......

I'm sure most people around the holidays take the time to reflect back where they were a year ago.......most likely spending it with a loved one or a friend. It's an easy thing to do and we all do it from time to time, remembering back to certain life events. So my thoughts this morning aren't all that different from most people, but still I reflect on where my life is and has been over the past year. It's definitely been an interesting ride, filled with pain, some joy and lots of personal growth. There has been a ton of thinking throughout the year and looking back on it, the biggest changes in myself have been my increased thoughts and self awareness as to my place not only my life, but in the lives of the people around me. I find myself thinking about my thoughts and actions and how they affect the people who are close to me.

Maybe I should have been thinking like that all along.......maybe things would have turned out differently? Who's to say what the future would have held? But with all of this thinking, one of the things that I've come to realize is that all I can really control are the things that I say and the actions that I take.........

Until later......

Messages on candy wrappers

As I sat at my desk and enjoyed a Dove dark chocolate morsel this afternoon, I looked down to see the message on the inside wrapper..........."Live in the present, forgive your past." I couldn't help but think of all the chocolate bar wrappers that we ran across in Southern Africa. Some said things like "Happy Birthday" while others said, "Miss you" or "Love you lots" and it got me to thinking.

Lately, it seems, I do a lot more thinking than I ever did in the past. Of course, I think about the past, a lot. How can I not think about the past? But sometimes I wonder if I hold on to the past a little too much. I wonder if I dwell too much on my perception of what was truly going on and what I thought I had. What if things didn't work out when I got back? Maybe this is how things are 'supposed to be.' But still the words of John Mayer ring out in my head, 'everything happens for a reason is no reason not to ask myself if I am living it right?' I mean, saying that "everything happens for a reason," kind of discounts our own decision making process in our lives, doesn't it? Or are the decisions that we make already predetermined?

Do we already have a predetermined plan in life? Or is life a consequence of the everyday decisions we make?

Until later........I'll be thinking.......

Quiet

When you live alone.....sometimes all you have are your inner thoughts. Sure, you can call your friends and chat with them, you can watch TV, listen to music or read a book to distract your mind, but that can't totally distract you from your thoughts. When you're in the shower or doing some cooking or going for a run, those thoughts are there with you. Sometimes you can keep them down or not worry about them, then other times....they are imprinted on your brain and they seem to be ever present. It's almost like no matter which way you turn or where you go, your thoughts are always there to cloud up your mind and question your actions. You walk to work.....they are there. You work out.....they are there. You get dressed......they are there. You sit on the metro to work......they are there. You ride up the escalator......they are there. You walk into your building.....they are there.

I wonder when I'll get the chance to quiet my inner thoughts.

More later.....

To all my friends in Texas......

Watch out! There could be some high winds, high waves, and maybe some rain this weekend. At least you'll have the Astros/cubs series to watch while you ride out the storm......oh, wait, that's been postponed. Well, you can definitely check out the Texans/ravens game on Sunday......no, that's been moved to Monday night. At least there's one thing you can count on in Texas and that's high school football under the Friday night lights........damn, that's been cancelled too!

Well, looks like you all should hunker down with some ice cold Shiner Bock beer and pray that the power, cable and internet stay on!

Good luck.