I'm going home

After a long journey, both literally and figuratively, physically and emotionally, I'm starting my journey back to the city that I love so much. Through the course of my travels, I was constantly asked many questions about DC and why I love it so. Well, what can you say about a city like DC? It's a great mix of north and south, it's a city that has an international flair while still being very American, it's a good mix of public and private transportation, it's a picturesque city and a city of change. As winter fades and spring begins, I'm coming home to start my new season of life. The cherry blossoms are out and the tourists are sure to be flooding the National Mall and I'm actually looking forward to what life has to offer me.

It's taken a few months to get to a better place, but I'm slowly working my way towards that better place. True, my heart is still heavy and I will carry that heaviness for the rest of my life, but eventually it will all work out how it's supposed to work out. There's a balance to life and eventually, the bad times will turn to good. You must experience the dark to appreciate the light.

More later.......

The Best I Ever Had

Listening to more country music and this time it's Gary Allen and a beautiful song:

So you sailed awayInto a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
And nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

But I'ts not so bad..
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely
We'll send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

But I'ts not so bad..
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it might take some time
To patch me up inside
But I cant take it so I
I run away and hideI might find it in time
That you were always right
You were always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
Was it what you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted?

But It's not so bad..
You're only the best I ever had
You dont want me back
You're just the best I ever had

The 'Real World'?

I'm sure that all traveller's who are on the road for a long time experience what I'm going through. And, I'm pretty sure that what I'm feeling right now is nothing special, but still, it's causing some unrest these days. I'm a bit distant in conversations and people are starting to notice. What can I say? Something is on my mind.

After spending an amazing month out in Arizona and the great Southwest, I'm catching a red-eye flight back to the east coast. Is the dream life coming to a close? Should I get an apartment and a job and slip back into the 9am-5pm reality that's almost expected of me? Or should I throw it all in storage and keep on moving down the road with the few possessions that I have in my bag and create more memories? What is the 'real world' after all? What is success? Is it going to work, buying a home, building a family? Or is it building memories and friendships while trying to see it all? Don't most people on their death bed wish that they had seen more of this world?

I guess it's true, the hardest thing in this world is to have a choice........and these are the questions that face me now at this junction in my life.

More later.......

Moving down the road.....and trying to move on

I moved down the road to see great friends in the NY Metro area and to try and heal the wounds that were still visible to almost everyone around me. Somewhere south of Philly, I made a decision.....I wasn't ready to head back to the DC area just yet. A week with friends in the NY Metro area wasn't going to be enough time for me to even feel right about heading back to DC. I love DC and I wanted to come back, but I had to be mentally and emotionally ready to come back. I needed to get out away from the East Coast and see some sun and try to heal. So, I called up my great friend Zach in Phoenix and told him I was coming out to spend the month of March in Arizona. He was thrilled to hear the good news! After trying to convince me to come visit him for a couple of months, I finally was coming out to Phoenix. And just in the nick of time as Helen, Paula, and Vickie were going to be hanging out in the great Southwest for most of the time that I was going to be out there.

It was going to be just what I needed.....time with friends.

More later......

The day I had waited for......and dreaded

It was an emotional day for me.....one that I will never forget for the rest of my life. It was a day that I had anticipated, but hadn't expected. I couldn't help but be excited, but still cautious at the same time. This was a day that I dreamt about every day during my five month journey around the world......it was the day I was coming back and would see Carolyn for the first time since we last saw each other in Bangkok's airport in October, but I was not coming home, not to the home I wanted or expected.

I would have loved to have said something to her to change her mind, but those walls were too high to climb over and too thick to break through. She made it clear that I wasn't going to be able to hurt her any more, but all I wanted to do was to tell her I loved her one last time and to hold her close and always remember the good times with her. In the end, after all was said and done, I realized that we finally did the one thing we couldn't do when we were together.....sit down and honestly talk about our relationship and be open with each other. A bit ironic and cruel.

More later......

Crushed......absolutely crushed

After not getting much sleep last night, I'm moving on down the road after spending some precious time with my aunt in Knoxville, a place I called home for a couple of years after college. After holding out hope that maybe.....just maybe, there might still be a chance, those hopes and dreams were crushed, just as I was, by the worst possible news that I could hear. I'm glad that I was with my aunt as she was able to comfort me at one of my lowest, if not the lowest, points of my short life. For that, I'll always be grateful to her and her wisdom and ability to put things into perspective. For now, it's a wet drive over the mountains to Charlotte, NC to see a friend before heading back to DC for some finality.

More later.....

A great friend.....in a great town

After exploring the greater Memphis area, I made the slow drive up out of the Mississippi delta and over to Nashville, one of the great towns in the country if you love country music. I think some country music was definitely in order for me at this point in my life. My great friend did a great job of keeping us busy with fun stuff, but probably the most fun I had was listening to a bluegrass band called Jypsi play at a little joint down on Broadway. They were a funky group of family members almost reminiscent of a folk group out of the 60's, but they could definitely play and I was drawn to one of the covers they did. It was an old Waylon Jennings song called, "I don't want to get over you" and the lead singer blew me away with her moving vocals.

After spending some good time and talking about life with my great friend, I made my way to Knoxville, a place I called home for a couple of years after college.

More later......

Finally......I stop off in Memphis!

You would figure that with all of the back and forth drives I did from Knoxville to Texas through the years, I would have stopped off and seen some of Memphis. But every time I drove through I was booking it trying to get to my destination as fast as I could. This time was a lot different....with no job and no destination to get to, I had time to stop off and experience some of Memphis.

I don't know why I didn't make myself stop earlier, but I'm glad I finally did! I liked Memphis for some of the reasons that I like New Orleans, it just had an interesting mix of people, music and culture. I got a chance to fulfill another childhood dream and see Graceland.....after all, I do share a birthday with The King. And was truly moved at the Civil Rights Museum at the site of the former Lorraine Motel. I stopped off for some pretty good BBQ before hitting the road to spend a long weekend in Nashville with a great friend.

More later......

Big D and the suburbs

So, growing up in and around the Houston area, especially being an Oilers fan, there seems to be a subtle dislike for the Dallas/Ft. Worth area. Most people claim to be from Dallas, but really grow up in one of the surrounding areas like Mesquite, De Soto, Arlington, etc. And lets face it, most of the folks up in the Dallas area are transplants from other parts of the nation.

As it happens, I just spent a weekend with a good friend from college who lives in one such suburb.....Garland. I got a chance to see and experience some of the great things about the Dallas/Ft. Worth area as well as throw my own twist on the experience. From the Stockyards, to Joe T. Garcia's, to Billy Bob's (the world's largest honky-tonk), to smoking shisha, a few too many beers and deep conversations about life, the choices you make and the consequences of those decisions; the weekend was definitely a great stop on the road......and on the road of life.

But now it's time to make my way through Southern Arkansas (oh boy!) to the greater Memphis area.

More later........

A cold north wind

There's a constant, cold north wind blowing and I guess it's kind of appropriate. It's a reminder that the world can be a cold place sometimes.

It's funny I woke up this morning and thought about life and the decisions you make and the effect that all of that has on someone. I left my parents house 8 months ago and thought I was ready for all that life would throw at me. Now, after taking a beating from life and my own decisions, I'm a bit scared at what I'm going to face when I hit the road again.

It's funny in an ironic sort of way I guess......it just lets you know how humbling it can all be sometimes. One minute your flying high and you think you have the world in the palm of your hand......you make a decision and wham! Life hits you with a left hook you didn't see coming. But everyone gets knocked down and we all make mistakes in life. No one's perfect and no one makes all the right choices in life.....it just doesn't happen.

I was given some great advice by a friend awhile back and he said, "everyone makes mistakes, it's how we react from those mistakes that defines who we are."